A fork in the road...
I read a quote by Teddy Roosevelt today that sparked nostalgic for me:
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
Now, introspective as it is, it bears the question of what kind of person do we consider ourselves to be? I would like to think that within me there are characteristics that bear importance: truth, honor, courage and faith. That I possess these qualities in the smallest form and that I may call upon my moral code to help me navigate seemingly impassable situations...
I remember crawling into overturned vehicles to comfort a pinned victim; starting an IV blindly on my belly in the dirt while being coached by a fireman who was scrunched in what was left of the backseat.
I remember holding partners as they cried, being held while I cried and holding bereft family members left behind in their grief. I have comforted when need be and been callous when my safety depended on it. I have done CPR on infants who were angelic in their neverending slumber. I have rejoiced with patients when pain ebbs. I have washed my hands in the lifeblood of those lost in vain. I made peanut-butter sandwiches and cups of soup for lonely, little old ladies and talked to them when they had only EMS to call. But do those memories really mean anything if they are done in stagnancy?
I can remember calls, and I have forgotten hundreds. But those that go forgotten have left their imprint, they have left their mark. For me, it manifests in my desire to see the people be kinder to one another, to show compassion- as that, in my career, is what has been lacking overall.
I remember saves and losses, triumphs and senselessness, victory and defeat. In the summation of human lives, I remember my career. I remember wanting to be better so defeat wouldnt come so quickly the next time. I remember struggling to learn everything there was to learn because if I could be just two-steps ahead of Death, then Death might think twice about tangling with me.
I think that as an intercessor, we are tasked with being our personal best. If we know that we've done everything we could, then I think that it lessens the pain and misunderstanding when the call goes awry. I think that as a business, EMS can do more, that we can be more and it is my hope that we can unfuck ourselves long enough to see where we need to go.
I think victory in heart is measured in the desire of man to do the impossible, to take the risk despite the unknown of the outcome. To choose to fight, and better ourselves for the battles of the future. For that, I think we can call ourselves courageous and worthy of honor. It is those in this business that have laid down their lives for strangers that light the flame that we follow. It is up to those of us that remain to make them proud and step into the light of innovation.
I suppose that it's a personal decision for each of us...I hope that we make the right one.
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